Half Way There

We have made it half way and I am just so excited. It wasn't always this fun though. Some are instantly excited the moment they know they will be bringing a new life into this world. Some people are scared. I, however, was shocked and distressed. I like to plan things out and this wasn't in the plan for surely another 2 years at least. When thinking about it, my reasons were quite selfish but I just wasn't quite ready to part ways with my old life. Actually, it wasn't until about 12 weeks a long when the joy well overcame the....disappointment. I enjoyed later nights out with friends, having cocktails on the weekends, thinking about only myself and my husband and having my husband only think about me. I liked our financial situation, our room mates, and our house being baby free.

When people think about their life and things they want to do before having a child the list usually includes being financially stable, traveling, enjoying married life alone for a while, having a house & a good job. These are all things we have accomplished, though we could have enjoyed married life alone a tad longer. We have been married 2.5 years. Some people want to have a baby immediately and others are fine with waiting. Some try for children for years and years and YEARS hoping so much for this miracle to happen to them and I was not appreciative at all.

I don't mean for all this to sound so negative. I am saying it to be honest and to also give light to anyone having similar feelings because the truth is not everyone accepts this amazing news from the time they get "two pink lines" on the test. So when did I have a change of heart? It wasn't at my first doctors appointment when I saw the little dot on the screen that was my "baby".

 

I may have had a speck of joy the first time I heard it's heartbeat, though it wasn't quite enough to convince me that there was a truly an amazing life growing inside of me. It also wasn't when my family, husband, & friends started buying this beautiful being tiny clothes just about 10 weeks into things.

They say seeing is believing and though I'd like to think I can have more faith in things that, it wasn't until my 12 week ultrasound that I became overwhelmed with joy, excitement, & wonder. All the things my patient husband and loving family have been waiting for me to feel since week 5. These positive emotions have grown ever since and I even feel guilty to have felt anything but blessed from day one.

Danielle 

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